Jan 24, 2012

A Mother's Early Morning Worry

I slept at 5:30 in the morning and woke up abruptly, three hours after, still sleepy but needing to get up because Basti had to go to school. He was going to be late. He hurriedly had breakfast, took a bath and dressed for school. I was so sleepy but I couldn't sleep yet because I needed to wait for the trusted sidecar boy who takes him  to school and brings him back home everyday.
I need to see him off so I can sleep soundly. We waited and waited but no one came. And suddenly, Basti remembered that 'Kuya' will not be coming today. He already told him last week and Basti forgot.

And so we went outside, me holding his trolley bag, sleep-walking. But at the gate of the house he said, "Mama, pwede mag-isa na lang ako." (Mama, can I go alone), at the same time taking the trolley bag from my hand. I haven't had breakfast, nor brushed my teeth and smell like hell. If  he's going to wait for me to dress, he was going to be late. With a lump in my throat, I said "Yes." Then off he go, almost running, as if fearing that I'd change my mind. That was the first time ever that he's going to go to school on his own, in his own terms. 

I watched him as he hailed a pedicab. The trees blocked my view prevented me from seeing who the pedicab driver he'd hailed. I know most of them by face. And I forgot to tell him that he needs to pay P10 only, not P20 because that would be two-way. 

I was looking forward to the bliss that's called sleep. Now, sleep eludes me. I'm too worried for my own good.  Here I am typing my heart away. Worrying myself for no reason.The school is just a few blocks away and my son is a big ten year old, goodness sake. I'm just worrying about everything. I'm sure by now my big boy is already at school and comfortably seated in his chair, amongst his classmates. I'm berating myself for not seeing him off properly and making sure I speak with the pedicab driver before they go, even worrying that Basti might have had a hard time unloading his heavy trolley bag. 

And so, the bigger question is: when to let go of my kids and let them spread their wings on their own. Have I been too protective as a mom? Am I being paranoid? Over-protective? Or is this just normal?

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